Pinsler is so cool. The depth of his sharing during law conference today testifies of a man who has met God and remembers it deeply. Substantively, he didn't say very much. There wasn't an deep exposition on the bible, or an uplifting exhortation about Christian living. It was subdued: just a man telling his story and sharing his observations (e.g.about how the world is a facade and we all interact with each other on a superficial level). But in all that, there was such power and conviction. When he asked (quoting Pilate), in a soft spoken manner - "what is truth?" - every single syllable weighted heavy with month...years , of painful searching and struggling; of not understanding and coming to terms with not understanding; of seeing the limits of himself. I don't know His story. But just from that short 10 min sharing alone - I don't need to - he's just cool. (But not cooler than God la)
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Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here." Pilate therefore said to Him, "Are You a king then?" Jesus answered, "You say [rightly] that I am a king. For this cause I was born, and for this cause I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice." Pilate said to Him, "What is truth?" - John 18:36-38
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# posted by yours truly at
1:05 AM
I feel so blessed today.
What i thought would be a half hour chat turned into 5 hours of talking and being encouraged in God by someone who is obviously very busy and have better things to do. This clearly tells me where her priorities lie, in people not work. The desire to be a blessing and to build up other people is primary, and that is just so cool. On top of that I received a check up on you email/msg frm gary out of the blue! It's people who want to reach out, who are clear where their priorities lie and not let work be an excuse, that inspire me. A far cry from my last, very naval gazing, sem. Get a feeling that 2012 is gonna be a year for action, for being a blessing to people. Its time for me to get off my ass. # posted by yours truly at
3:41 AM
Okay God, I guess you win. # posted by yours truly at
5:59 PM
10 Dec 4pm Went to Santa’s Village today, which was as tourist trappy as one might expect it to be – a collection of souvenir shops caught in the gravitational pull of the main building that was suppose to be Santa’s cabin. Regardless, it was pleasantly touristy. Considering that all the beautiful impressions I have of Christmas: the snowy wonder, the warm fires in the log houses, the jingles, Santa himself, are all artificially implanted into my very tropical brain anyway, I figured one shld just go the whole hog and soak it all up in its full touristy glory. So yes, the Village was everything I just mentioned, a snowy wonder with log houses and jingles wafting through the outside air.
Playing in the snow was genuinely fun though. I tried making a snowman, but it ended up looking like a snow Jabba the hunt because the snow was too powdery to clump together into balls. Also made a snow angel, which looked more normal. And after making the angle, it’s so serene to just lie in deep in the snow, motionless, while watching snowflakes drift gently onto your face.
However, entering the Hall to meet Santa was a rather bizarre experience. One would usually associate “jolly”, “warm”, and “deep rumbling laugh” with Santa. Not in this case however. Potential visitors had to first walk through a few exhibition halls, and I suppose the original intention was to create the atmosphere of anticipation before the Santa moment. But the halls were decked out, not with boughs of holly, but in what I can only describe as Tim Burton-esq. Misproportioned chairs lined the walls, mysterious smoke wafted around (like those liquid nitrogen kinds) and the grand edifice that stood in the middle of the room was a humongous pendulum, disembodied from a grandfather clock, that continually swung back and forth. After passing through all those do you get to meet Santa. I really don’t get it, and perusing the Santa pictures on the wall, evidently the little kids didn’t too. Most of them just looked suspicious, like they were wondering who this imposer was, and why they were being forced to take pictures with him. Now for the rather amusing but also quite sad anecdote to complete the criticism of how everything was in bad taste: while queuing to meet Santa, the family in front of me (2 kids, aged about 3 or 4) was doing some intensive Christmas song coaching sessions. After the whole meet and take photo with Santa moment, I was about to walk out through the exit when I noticed 2 the two kid’s heads sticking in through the door and singing “we wish you a merry x’mas and a happy new year…” Having no idea what they were up to, and thinking they were just being generally cheery, I reciprocated and joined them in the last bits of the song, and then smiled at the parents. The latter subsequently confessed that the kids actually intended to sing the song to Santa, but cause there was no time and opportunity to dwaddle ard Santa the busy photo taking man, they had to make do with singing to Santa from the exit and hoped he could hear/appreciate it (I doubt it). Imagine – flying all the way from wherever to sing to Santa and this is what you get.
Ah well. That’s just minor incident that doesn’t detract much from the rest of the wonderfully pleasant village. The snow’s REALLY great.
 
  
# posted by yours truly at
5:19 AM
10 Dec 10pm Snowmobiling is SERIOUSLY THIS fun. I run out of adjectives so I have to resort to font size and lousy computer game metaphors: its like driving through the arctic map of Modern Warfare, with snow flying into the screen as you speed through the forest – except that you feel every single bit of it – the snow on your face, the wind in your face, the growl of the engine and every bounce that lifts the machine off the undulating ground.
And it’s turned out to be a real adventure. We were suppose to be scheduled to return at 9pm, but only arrived 930 because of a very eventful return journey. For one, our guide’s snowmobile broke down midway, and he had to take out his tool kit to mess around with it for a good 15 min. More excitingly, my parents’ snowmobile first flipped on its side, and later drove into a tree. On hindsight, it’s funny really, especially the driving into the tree bit. The group was split into 2, and my parents were the last snowmobile in the first group. When they drove into the tree, the other snowmobiles in the first grp didn’t realize it continued driving on. Meanwhile, the 2nd grp was still stuck behind because of the guide’s faulty motor. So my parents were left stranded alone with their snowmobile for a good while. Even worse, their engine eventually died and the lights went off, so they were in the dark woods, amidst heavy snowfall, waiting for at least 10 minutes before help arrived. Although we laugh it off now, it is really not fun to have that happen to you.
Mishaps aside, it was absolutely beautiful to be amongst the trees in the Finnish forest. It’s magical, like Lucy stepping into Narnia. Pure, untainted whiteness speaks of silent mysteries, while the shadows beyond lurk ominously. In this mystery, the forest seem to come alive; the trees, white bearded old man with white droopy eyebrows staring down severely at you; the shrubs and bushes, taking on strange shapes of strange creatures – a dark winged angel, a crooked hunchback, a misshapen snowman.
Amidst all these, as I sat waist deep in the snow leaning against a tree, the serenity and wonder of God’s creation spoke to me, and again I thanked God for it all. It was such a Zen moment. Too bad it had to be cut short prematurely cause my ass started to freeze over.
  # posted by yours truly at
5:19 AM
    
 
I couldn’t be more satisfied now. Sitting in a café at the top of the Kalenburg hill with the whole of Vienna laid out before me like an intricate design woven into a carpet; Soft, evening light streaming in from the full length windows, casting slanting shadows onto the wood-panelled walls and parquet floors; the frothy comfort of a hot cappuccino on a cold day - month and month of anticipation is rolled up into this moment. And really, I couldn’t be more satisfied. Walking through the woods itself is simply a magical experience. It’s like walking into a perfect postcard of autumn, the skeletal frame of the trees rising from the pile of orange clothes, carelessly shed in thick piles. Following the path, I encountered the most perfect woodland landmarks. A brown tavern cottage, a deserted swing in an open field, an isolated church perched on top of a hill, long boarded up and tired looking. And the golden, golden sun. I never really understood golden as an adjective for sun. The Singapore sun is many things (blazing, sweltering, annoying), but never golden. My most beautiful memory of the Singapore sun was while having dinner on top of a breakwater, after sailing. The sun sunk slowly into the sea, its dying rays reflected off the water – orange, with hints of shimmering silver where the waves reflect the sunlight off at a different angle. But that was orange, not golden. Orange is sleepy, dying even, while golden is soft yet bright, mellow yet invigorating. And today, as the rays of the sun streamed through the trees, that was golden. Treading down the path illuminated golden, I breathed in and Thanked God for everything. Thank you for beauty. Thank you for blessings that fill my life and continually overflows. Thank you for watching over me every day of my life. Regardless of whether I’m going through shit or when I’m happy, regardless of whether I’m near you or so full of myself I think I can do it on my own, regardless of my fears and hopes and plans – thank you for being there daddy God.
# posted by yours truly at
10:32 PM
So after 4 days in Copenhagen, the competition is over, and we're now in Vienna! And after a day touring I would say that it has turned out to be everything I expected it to be, which is good.
Most importantly, the buildings and palaces are absolutely stunning (tourist area, not area where our hotel is, tt just grey and drab). Especially, the The Kunsthistorisches Museum with its painstakingly painted mural spanning across the whole ceiling of the building. I don't have the time or the words to fully encapsulate the mood created by the building, and I very unfortunately don't have an SD card reader now to dld my camera photos to show it either. But it was just beautiful. And the paintings inside were awesome. Held the few usual superstar exhibits like Napoleon, and Tower of Babel, but most arresting painting was that of the king sledding in the moonlight. The surreal, somewhat creepy feeling that is created is simply magic. Plus it reminded me of Gabriel Knight 2 where this exact same painting was involved as one of the puzzles if solving the mystery of mad king ludwig. Makes me want to dld GK2 and finish playing it.
 
The two churches we entered were also architecntually stunning. High walls and larger than life statutes loaned a certain somber majesty to the place. Stepping inside, the urge to talk in whispers and tread silently just came upon me. And sitting in the pew, looking silently at the alter, also became a worshipful and reflective experience.
The other cool thing abt vienna is the ability to just chillax, knowing that work is truly and completely over - Im able to just sit in a cafe, nua and soak up the atmosphere with no clouds of anxiety or work hanging over my head. Should soak it up as much as possible while it lasts.
As a sidenote, went to a ballet in the evening, primarily to check out the staatstoper building because I'm really not a big fan of ballet. And surely, I couldn't understand the ballet - and we decided to leave half hr into the two hr show. It was pretty embarrassing though, cause when we went out all the ushers/etc, esp the coat collection lady, was giving us the wth you left when its not even over look. But id rather 1 min of embarrassment than another 1.5 hrs of ballet, so I guess it was a beneficial tradeoff. Tmr night, we go to a jazz club.
# posted by yours truly at
5:57 AM
From the economist. The adult-book premium Nov 22nd 2011, 19:43 by S.J. | LONDON AT THE end of the week I’m heading off on a much-needed holiday. I’m intent on reading fiction while I'm gone. I’ve chosen parts two and three of the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. For those who unfamiliar, imagine Harry Potter, minus Quidditch, plus a plot. Having visited a bookstore to obtain said books, I walked to the counter and inquired about their location. "They’re in teen fiction on the second floor", I was told by the assistant. The manager then put in, "The adult copies are in science fiction, first floor", to which I responded, "Are they the same book?". "All except the cover", he answered. "Same price?" "No the children’s books will be cheaper", came the reply. Sure enough, the children’s books were cheaper in both hardcover and paperback, by 17%. The logic of having two separate editions is simple enough; by targeting two markets, teen and adult fiction, the publisher may increase sales. But how to explain the different prices? One might suspect that production costs vary enough to justify different sticker prices. The teen edition has a bright mysterious cover, for instance, while the adult version looks like something I could knock together. Yet the adult version is the more expensive. On average teen fiction is cheaper than adult fiction, suggesting that price discrimination may be at work. By selling two editions in two places, the publisher may be better able to extract more surplus by getting buyers to reveal their consumer-type. People shopping in the teens section are likely to be teens, to therefore have less income, and to therefore be more price sensitive. If there is little overlap between customers browsing the teen and adult section, this kind of price discrimination might be possible. But consumers are pretty savvy. The internet makes price discovery incredible easy. This can hardly be the whole story. The shop assistant offered yet another explanation: "Adult readers are prepared to pay a premium so that strangers on the train don’t think they’re reading children’s books." I like this because it allows us to put a price on people’s self-image, or at a minimum shows they’re willing to pay more to appear more intellectual. If I’ve missed a good explanation for the price difference, economic or otherwise, put it in the comments. Out of interest I bought the teen version, either because I’m price sensitive or because I know trying to hide my childish tastes is futile. # posted by yours truly at
8:28 PM
sian. the guidebook calls the UN place "not a beautiful place to visit...cordoned off with wire fencing, and bristling with armed police and CCTV cameras, the whole place is alienating and, essentially, ugly." so much for anticipation. # posted by yours truly at
1:38 AM
The Vienna and Finland travel guides came in the mail from bookdepositary (each for $25) a few days ago, and since then i've been busy consuming the Vienna one - I find minor joy in highlighting landmarks and especially marking out where our hotel is located on the map. Even in the Philippines I would bother to take out the Metro Manila map and diligent track down every location we've been too. Its strange, this unexplained love for maps and locations.
Anyhow, I moved on to PublicIntLaw after reading the guidebook, and it suddenly dawned on me tt Vienna is like one of THE lands for int. law tourism (if such a thing exists). A gazillion landmark int. treaties were signed in this very city - the VCLT, diplomatic relations, consular relations etc. This thought just increased the pent up anticipation for December. Not sure if traveling mates wld find particular joy in gg to the UN complex (they haven't done int. law yet) but regardless, thinking of spending the last 2 days wandering the city by myself. Never travelled alone before, should try, expect it to be a different, more liberating experience.
I want December to come now. But then I know that the actual experience often times doesn't match up to the romanticized experience I construct in my mind. But I guess the anticipation and planning is half the fun la. Read somewhere that its better to go for several short trips than one long trip because trip fatigue sets in, and there's less enjoyment from the anticipation. # posted by yours truly at
1:04 AM
 Lucy in the Field with Flowers
Kate Swoger of The Montreal Gazette called Lucy a "gorgeous mistake", describing her thus: "an elderly woman dancing in a lush spring field, sagging breasts flopping willy-nilly, as she inexplicably seems to hold a red chair to her behind with one hand and a clutch of daisies in the other". Author Cash Peters, using less florid language, summarized it as "the old woman with an armchair glued to her ass".
LOL I so wanna go to museum of bad art now # posted by yours truly at
12:33 AM
As a random digression, I'll admit that I think with my heart and not my brain.
I make decisions on what I feel first, and then justify or rationalize it with my brain. But that's only because my brain has failed me. With the so many opposing point of views and voices that it has to sieve through, my brain has left me confused, uncertain, and ultimately paralyzed. Can you really work out logically if (very cliched example) abortion is right? if homosexuality is wrong? if God exists? My brain can't. So I unabashedly declare that I think with my heart.
# posted by yours truly at
2:04 AM
I think part of the reason why God sometimes seem to work so slowly (like years even, consider abraham's promise of a child) is because we need to come to a point in our lives where we can truly see that results are not and will never be conjured up by ourselves. If after every God-led action, results are immediately obvious, as much as i say thank God, a part of me would take the credit, saying "cool! I have the ability to do these things!"
But you know, in just waiting for God's timing, and in doing stuff which he instructs, when nothing happens immediately, it brings me more and more to the point where i realize its not me at all. I'm prevented from even taking pride in the fact that God is working through me due to my piety and obedience to his instructions, because my obedience doest generate guarantee results. it's only in reaching that point where I truly know that it is not about me at all - not about my obedience, not about my sacrifice, not about my time spent with Him - that things will really start moving at an accelerated pace. God can safely do his thing, knowing that my pride won't get in the way of his works.
That aside - cool stuff last sunday: My group shared really cool stuff last week. Its great leaving with the feeling like I saw God's hand actively at work i every single person's life. Its so genuine and refreshing - so beyond the usual I thank God that I finished my homework/I thank God that he helped me though my test type thanksgiving (which I myself am guilty of many times).
One person shared about person's past, like how person was smoking and stealing etc, but then God brought specific people into his life and eventually brought him to Church. Person also shared about the faithfulness of God in how tithing really works - when he chose to tithe even though he was receiving very little money from his current work, his uncle gave him $100 out of the blue to tide him over the week. Another shared about how person needed to get certain grades for O lvls to not get retained, wrote on a piece of paper the min that was needed (like along the range of 80ihs for each subject), and person finallh scored more than enough for every subject. Another person shared that during worship the peace of God settled in his heart, and all the Alvl worries just left for that moment (it came back later, yes, but even so, its significant that person said what he did cause person usually worries a lot about exams, plus had prelims coming up on monday). I could go on. But the cool thing is the heart that was behind every testimony. It wasn't a christian ritual thing - it was genuine. And thats so cool la. # posted by yours truly at
1:40 AM
Just recently, the father of a close friend of mine passed away. And this is after his mother's death a few yrs ago. Two things which he said struck me deeply
1) "I'm an orphan now" - the depth of loneliness and isolation, the being forced to grow up, the handling of estate and monies, I cannot even begin to understand what it feels like. And life seem so unfair to him - God Himself seems unfair.
2) And yet, he was able to say that with God, it is just so much easier to let go of his father. He compared that to the time when his mom passed on, and said that this time is different. This time there's peace, knowing that God is watching over him and his dad, and that everything will be in his hands. And then he starts noting that his situation is a lot better than millions of other people in the world who find themselves in worst circumstances, like orphans of a disaster etc. And its amazing how he's able to say such things.
I think in every situation, the mind can respond in various ways (e.g. anger or acceptance) but the spirit behind the mind controls how the mind will respond. With God's spirit of peace, in whatever situation that comes up, He enables us to react in love, in peace and in faith.
Recently my faith has been shaken by circumstances. But faith should not be dictated by circumstances - it is dictated by the living word of God. It cannot be that when good things happen you feel high and are full of faith, but when bad happens your faith falls apart. God is good and He is faithful, regardless of what circumstances say, and this is the truth that was able to bring my Friend over the circumstance.
# posted by yours truly at
12:33 AM
2.10 am but still in school. Indeed the first time (and hopefully the last, barring another all nighter tmr). I feel like i'm not smart enough, not sharp enough, not able to think straight, frequently going back to the same grounds i've covered before, feeling like i'm stuck in endless nightmare. I feel like i'm not working hard enough, not keeping pace. I feel like my portion is the weakest link, a paper perforated limp. And in all this Lord, be strong in my weakness. You are the voice that called the universe to be. You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me. And when i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home i'll trust in you. # posted by yours truly at
2:10 AM
Still Studying, Still Learning
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